I know there is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. I know you don’t know me, but my friend follows you and I saw what she retweeted about the man you love losing his life. I know what it’s like to lose someone I love more than anything in the world. When my mother died I was 12. I remember not really feeling anything, I was just; numb. I didn’t know what to do next. I remember telling God that I hated him for taking her. Why did it have to be my mom? A loving, caring, amazing mother, who had never wronged me, why her? I know you may not understand why a complete stranger is writing this to you, but to me, your another sister on this earth who is hurting, and I cant turn away from someone who is hurting. You know what took the pain away? You know what answered my question? Believing, finally believing in God and trusting Him, and knowing that my mother would not want to come back here. Not because she doesn’t love me, but because where she is, and where your boyfriend is, is the most beautiful and extraordinary thing we can never really imagine. They are home. And one day, you and I will get to spend eternity with them in Heaven. You will see him again. Believe. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath in, imagine him next to you, feel his hand in yours, let out the breath, and open your eyes. When you realize the strength that you have, you’ll be able to smile again, and know that everything is going to be okay. And that he is with you no matter what. Don’t be afraid.
Ive been up all night working on an argumentative essay that’s due tomorrow at 12:30. I got to page 4, it has to be at least 6 pages. Im finishing the rest tomorrow morning and getting a little sleep now.
It’s been a tough day but I am glad to get this over with.
Yes I’m a Christian. Yes I can be the biggest hypocrite ever. I backslide. I stumble. I fall. I stray onto the wrong path. But God is working in me. I may be a mess, but I’m His mess. And He is slowly straightening me out. And the day will come when I will be by His side, His work in me completed. And until that day I will take His hand, and let Him do in me whatever needs to be done, no matter how painful it will be for me. When He is finished, it will all be worth it.
Im going home this weekend to meet the lady who is gonna be my boss this summer. I get to work at this AMAZING barn, ride horses for free, and work with the kids in the horse camp. I AM SO EXCITED. I don’t even care that I have to stay in northern VA for most of the summer, and not go to Florida.
I have missed riding horses so much.